EXCLUSIVE: âœI celebrate Irrfanâ says Sutapa Sikdar

The reverence that the late Irrfan Khan’s recall evokes is incredible. Five years later, references to his craft and characters, along with posts and reels on social media continue to honour the iconoclast of an actor, someone who unobtrusively achieved rank in an industry driven by élan and éclat.

Languid language, ubiquitous underplay… along with crushing intensity, this Khan had rizz of the real kind. Haasil, Paan Singh Tomar, Maqbool, Haider, The Namesake, Life In A Metro, Life of Pi, The Lunchbox, Piku, D-Day, Hindi Medium… the roster is riveting as is the enduring emotional connect with his audiences.

Instrumental in keeping the reminiscence alive is wife and writer Sutapa Sikdar, sharing as she does a sentimental reciprocity with Irrfan’s fans. They seem to be together in grief and exaltation. Every bit about Irrfan that Sutapa posts on social media receives overwhelming love from his fans world over.

Given her sensibilities, Sutapa commemorates both the pride of being his partner and the pain of life without him with poetic deference. Gulzar’s lines, ‘Dil mein kuchh yun sambhaalta hoon gham jaise zewar sambhaalta hai koi (I preserve pain in my heart like someone safeguards jewels)…” somewhere simulates her precious attachment extending beyond life and lifetimes… That also explains why her WhatsApp status message reads: Some memories are forever. Excerpts:

The love and respect Irrfan enjoyed has increased with the years. What explains this enduring bond between the audiences and him?

I guess it’s Irrfan’s honesty towards his craft. Though he didn’t behave and live like a star, he came to rule hearts as a star. Fortunately, he didn’t have to be relevant at that time by constantly posting on social media. He portrayed normal people on screen, which added to the connection. The normal life, feelings and situations of characters he portrayed is something audiences can relate to.

What’s helped you deal with his absence?

‘Time heals’ is an oft used but an incorrect adage for me. The only good thing about time is that it passes. It’s not static. It doesn’t heal the wounds but with time you get used to the pain and grief. You carry on because you have no choice. It’s up to you how gracefully you live with the grief. I guess there are two options – one is to just ignore it happened or face it and celebrate the person. I celebrate Irrfan.

You were the one constant in his evolving journey. Was friendship the essence of your relationship?

Yes. I was the one who didn’t want to accompany him to Mumbai (Sutapa and Irrfan were classmates at the National School of Drama (NSD) in Delhi before they got married in 1995). Our love brought me here leaving my home city Delhi. Initially, I disliked Mumbai. But our friendship created such memories that they bring a smile on my face today. Like our long drives on our motorcycle Yezdi, enjoying keema pao in a restaurant in Andheri West (it no longer exists), being so excited about our tiny flat in D.N. Nagar and our endless arguments on the kind of curtains we should have to finally driving all the way to Orissa Emporium (Navi Mumbai) to buy the fabric. It was friendship all the way.

You were Irrfan’s severest critic. How much did he value your critique?

He considered me a good critic. But I regret the fact that many a time I missed saying how good he truly was.

So where did Irrfan’s genius lie?

It’s difficult to comment on an actor’s craft when the whole world talks about it. I won’t call it genius but his trademark lay in the fact that he made the lines his own and spoke in a manner, which sometimes even left his directors surprised. In fact, he amazed viewers more during his last five years. His brilliance lay in the fact that whether his characters were black, white or grey, he made them entertaining. Be it a gangster in Maqbool (2003), poet Musafir in 7 Khoon Maaf (2011), the athlete-turned-rebel in Paan Singh Tomar (2012), Roohdar (based on the ghost character in Shakespeare’s Hamlet) in Haider (2014), a vigilante in Madari (2016), a shopkeeper in Hindi Medium (2017) or a father in English Medium (2020). The audience would believe in the character he played and also be entertained at the same time. As a character, you could love him; you could hate him but never dismiss him.

Irrfan displayed intense love in Maqbool and underplayed romance beautifully in Piku (2015). Do you believe the tag ‘thinking woman’s sex-icon’ suited him?

I believe the label ‘every woman’s sex-icon’ suited him more. It’s just that the industry didn’t look at him with this gaze before Maqbool.

The two and a half years following his cancer diagnosis in 2018 must have been excruciating. What did you admire about him during that period?

Irrfan was always a reader but he became an avid one at that time. I admired the fact that we didn’t speak about his illness much. We spoke about nature, about plants, about stars and astronomy. He remained as curious as ever.

Was Irrfan spiritual? Did he turn more so towards the end?

He was religious from childhood. With time, he became spiritual as well and explored other religions and philosophy. It’s not that he turned spiritual only after the illness.

Not known to formally celebrate occasions, what was his last birthday like?

Nothing much. He just didn’t care. But I remember we were in our farmhouse in Igatpuri and he was soaking in the sun and listening to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan saab.

Does the house in Igaptpuri have an emotional association given the fact that it was Irrfan’s dream?

It’s bound to be. It’s my go-to place. It’s my refuge and also a cave when I am overwhelmed.

You mentioned Agar tum saath ho… (Tamasha 2015) was Irrfan’s favourite number. Why?

Generally, Irrfan liked everything which was non-obvious. This is such a lovely song of love of parting, of grief in love and life without love… along with the desire to still be together. Irrfan loved the dichotomy in the song. He just loved Irshad Kamil’s lyrics.

Something you regret not being able to tell him…

I regret not being able to tell Irrfan how much I’d miss him. That my life would become one big question mark staring at space! I couldn’t tell him that I’d miss him like one misses rain in harsh summer or sunshine in a dark room. I didn’t say all this because till the last day I was hopeful that he’d survive (Irrfan passed away on 29 April, 2020).

A song/poem/book/ film you’d like to dedicate to him…

I just want him to know that one of his favourite Sahir Ludhianvi saab number, Yeh dil tum bin kahin lagta nahin hum kya kare (Izzat 1968)… is the constant conversation between him and me now.Sutapa Sikdar opens up about her late husband Irrfan Khan. Continue reading …Read More